You don't get what you deserve.
You get what you take.


Monday, 26 November 2012

Existential crisis.

This time my wanderlust has become in the form of an existential crisis. I realised today on my way to work, that I'm so bored with my life. Not just Aberdeen, but almost everything in my life. So for anyone trying to find happy readings, I'll try to write something happy next time. But now I just need to get it out of my system.

I'm so bored of that all I do is work. If I'm not at work, I'm studying.

I'm bored of that all my evenings go without anything interesting happening. And I hate that I don't make interesting things happen.

I'm so bored of my life, as everything that I do on my little spare time seems to need a laptop for it.

I hate that I don't have enough time to study.

I hate that I have no idea what is happening in my friends' lives.

I hate that I never get my room tidy.

I hate that I have no idea where all my money goes. I also hate that I have so much student loan already. I hate that I work all the time and still have no money.

I hate that the only time I've been outside Aberdeen this fall was only one day in London.

I hate knowing that I won't leave Aberdeen before in a month.

I hate that my doctor's appointment got delayed until the beginning of January and now I don't know when I'll be going home next time.

I hate that I don't have time to keep up with my family.

I hate that I don't have time to go swim more often.

But most of all, I hate myself for not changing any of these things and letting them have this kind of impact on me.

 Luckily I can try to fight this feeling with music.

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Normal life makes me delirious.

Last week was pure pain because of my essay, despite last Tuesday night, when I went to see the weekly stand up show. Apparently when there's about 10 people in the audience and you're sitting in the front, you get picked up a lot. Oh well, at least I can now say that I've been hit on by a sheep, and I got four lap dances, as I got to judge a "new boyband". The evening could have been a lot worse... And most importantly, I finally got to have wine evening with Anneli, which haven't happened in at least six months!

Anyway, as usual, I managed to create an existential crisis on the last day before the essay was due. (Mom, don't read further) I always start to panic when big assessments are due, and especially now, during the year when my grades actually matter, it has not gotten any easier. I was on the worst mood on Monday, panicking, crying and wanting to punch the world in the face while whining about how horrible my essay is. It doesn't really help that I've recently realised that I'm actually not as smart as I always thought I was. And that has been a horrible realisation. So combined with pressure of good grades and feeling inadequate, I was a mess. Luckily Anneli mentioned that she was going to town, so I joined her after I finished my essay and having a proper in depth chat about life, issues, friendships, really made me feel more at ease. Being able to talk and getting things out of your system (with a dinner and pint, obviously) made me smile first time in two days and just made me feel overall better.

I had yesterday off from studying (besides going to my classes) and found my old enemy/friend, ebay. I spent hours there looking dresses etc.,  which wont promise good for my bank account... I've decided that I want to be a dress person, and I'm obsessively trying to find nice and cosy casual dresses. The downside of wanting to be a dress person is that I have to learn to walk on heels now (though it was new years resolution anyway), so that I don't have to wear my converse's, but can actually wear dresses with nice boots as well. Oh well, I guess I have to become feminine after all.

Talking about never happening resolutions. I decided that now after the essay is done, and I have only dissertation to focus on for the rest of the semester, I should get back to learning Spanish! I have decided to go to South America after I graduate, so I need to start catching up!

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Remembrance day.

Sunday was the remembrance day (and Father's day in Finland!), so as a decent girlfriend I went to the morning service (I don't remember when I've been to church service last time, probably my granddad's funeral 2011), as Rob was on the parade. It would have been okay if I didn't have to check the time all the time, as I had to run to work straight after. I managed to cause a great deal of drama at work earlier last week after asking twice to get Sunday off, and apparently the manager didn't like my approach. Anyway, after I finished working, I was supposed to go back to OTC and catch up with getting drunk with army people.

However, as most of you know about me, since I hadn't eaten anything in 8 hours, I wasn't too happy. I was pretty much ready to punch the next person even looking at me. I got a subway sandwich, and after finishing it my hunger was even worse. I made it home and still being extremely pissed off I decided to give the party a try, so I changed quickly and left while cursing the world. When I got there, I was still hating the world, but feeling also bad because it wasn't poor Rob's fault, and I had missed our mutual picture from the parade (HE WAS WEARING A KILT.). He got me a cider, and suddenly somehow world seemed slightly nicer place, who knew?

I have to say, the most efficient drunk night ever. After three hours and six pints (to empty stomach), the seventh somehow got me, and in the blink of an eye I realise that I can hardly stand anymore.. I'm ridiculously proud of myself for realising that that's the time to leave as it almost never occur to me that maybe I should go after a certain point. Off to a chipper and we were sleeping by 10:30pm (the guys had started drinking at 1pm).
I've never celebrated remembrance day before, it was interesting to see how big thing it actually is here (we had to have invitations to the service, to begin with...). 

Monday, 12 November 2012

Ei ole turhia päiviä tai jos on, on koko elämä.

Wednesday was a long day, but so worth it. Again, I remembered that with friends, it doesn't matter if you don't stay in touch for a while, because when you see again, it feels like nothing had changed. I woke up too early for me in the morning to catch my flight, especially because I had gone to sleep fairly late because of the presidential elections event at uni (which brought back my uneasiness with large groups of people, as there was probably half of the people I know at uni and I just felt incredibly lonely and didn't want to talk to anyone. I still try to work on that).

As we didn't have too much time in London with Sunwoo, so we just made a basic tourist stroll from Victoria station to Buckingham palace, then Big Ben, London Eye, Trafalgar Square.There's not that much to say about it, besides how much fun it was catching up and doing some sightseeing, so here's some pictures from the day.

English lunch
On my way back to Aberdeen the flight was late for 1.5 hours and we had to change the aircraft once, so I wasn't too happy when I finally got home. Luckily, my most amazing man had dinner ready for me (at 10pm!) and a cold cider waiting, so I didn't dare to be grumpy at him. Though I tried to do some damage control already on the plane with a snack box and a wine...

I've been dismissing London quite a lot recently, as I prefer Paris so much more, but I noticed that London isn't too bad, and it's actually more spacious and clean than Paris (not that I would dare to say anything bad about Paris...).

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Caffeine overdose.

I have no idea what happened last week, so I'll focus on this week then. (Oh yeah, Halloween. Went to a party, but no pictures yet. I haven't taken any pictures during my autumn in Aberdeen yet. Probably better that way. It just makes this blog very boring. Anyway.)

On Monday, it was the Bonfire night/Guy Fawkes-day/The guy from V for Vendetta-thingy. So traditionally there was a fireworks happening by the beach. I think the last two years were themed as Pirates of the Caribbean, but this year, obviously, the theme was 007. The UK is just crazy about James Bond right now, it's slightly scary. And I'm not bitter at all that I can't work for MI6. But I could be the real life Bond girl ;) (don't anyone dare to laugh. I WILL find out). The fireworks weren't out of this world, but they were still entertaining, especially because the Bond tunes are great and when you (try) to match the fireworks with it, you won't dare to not enjoy it.

Here's my horrible attempt of taking a video of it, but you can't always win, not even everytime (one of the wisdoms I learned from Hugo).

On Monday we got people checking our gas meters basically in the middle of the night, so I was not happy. Why on earth checks people's gas meters at 9:30 am?!?!?! And it took them over 30 mins, which I could have spent sleeping, but NOOOOOOOO.... As a revenge, I went back to sleep after they left. Serves them right.

Today was my studying day, though not as succesful as it could have been. I spent 5 hours in the library, and the last hour we were discussing with my friends what kind of legal status zombies would have. Next time we need a biologist so we can determine the probability of evolution and cinscience on zombies, which might have an impact on their position in the society.

Also, apparently we're that couple now... I've worn Rob's rugby shirt the whole day and he's worn a Jack Daniels-shirt. I never thought that we would swap roles like this... But then again, I've wanted a rugby shirt for a while, and this one is really cool.

I got so many jealous looks of my shirt in the library.
And the bottom line is. TOMORROW I'M GOING TO LONDON TO SEE MY DEAR SUNNY!! Though I'll only have about 4 solid hours in the centre of London between my flights, but it will be worth to see her and besides, it's only money. If I can afford to buy cheap flights and go to London to see my friend (whom I haven't seen in almost 2 years), why wouldn't I do that? Especially because it'll make me really happy. I can't wait!!

Off to make some tea before going to PIR-Society's Election night. I'm slightly all over the place today, might have something to do with the coffee I had at the morning, I feel like Twitchy. Also, does anyone know any OBJECTIVE authors on Venezuela and Bolivarian Revolution? All articles that I've found are either extremely for or against, and I can't really take either side seriously.